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How to Emotionally Prepare for your Postpartum

Planning for your birth is a common practice in our culture. Women, couples and health care professionals usually collaborate and carefully consider what they want for their birth experience.

It is less common, however, to consider and plan for your postpartum – the post-birth transition.

One important and necessary element of postpartum planning is emotional preparation. You will go through a range of emotions that you have never experienced, sometimes all in one day, preparing for this change is paramount.

This blog will give you points of reflection and tips to guide you in preparing emotionally for your postpartum.

You are likely pregnant while reading this.

You, no doubt, are already noticing and experiencing the emotional ride of pregnancy.

Pregnancy can make you more tired, emotional and sensitive. Your brain is also changing and influenced heavily by hormones such as oestrogren, progesterone and oxytocin.

Within the first three days post birth these hormones return to baseline levels – the most rapid drop in the shortest timespan any human ever experiences.

In the early days your oestrogen and progesterone levels decrease and your prolactin increases to stimulate breastmilk production.

Everyday stress, sleep deprivation, hunger, trauma and a crying baby can increase your cortisol and adrenaline and along with oestrogen and progesterone, your thyroid hormones are likely to fluctuate more than usual in the first year after birth.

Our bodies are doing a lot!

Postpartum is life after birth.

Postpartum is an ending and a beginning. It is life and it is death.

Bringing life into this world brings about a death of your previous self and who you were before.

Yes, there is truth in the statement that we can never fully understand what it is like to be a mother until we become one.

But I truly believe that we can prepare.

Something that was brought to my attention recently was that we are not blank slates. We are complex human beings with a myriad of lived experience and a wealth of knowledge.

When we enter motherhood we bring our whole selves with us.

We have moved through endings and beginnings before. We understand life and we understand death. We know and understand the emotional experience. We have experienced it before even if we haven’t experienced it before.

In the Seasons of Matrescence work by Nikki McCahon postpartum is equivalent to winter. Just like in our menstrual cycle, our bleed is our winter. In the cycles of motherhood our early postpartum is our winter.

I encourage you to pull out your journal and answer the following questions:

What does winter feel like? What do you feel like doing in winter?

What does it feel like in your body when you bleed? What do you crave or desire when you are bleeding?

Have you felt an inner winter before? What was that experience like for you?

Answering these questions, understanding and making meaning of our previous experiences of winter – inner and outer winters, of endings and beginnings helps us to prepare.

In your postpartum, especially in the early days and weeks (your fourth trimester) you want your home to feel like a refuge, a cave, a sanctuary for you to move through your winter.

It is important to consider the people who you want to enter your sanctuary and the energy they will bring. This space is not only designed to help your baby transition Earth-side, it is also to help you. This is a sensitive time, emotionally, for you and your family. News and stresses from the outside world are best left at the door when in your postpartum bubble.

Creating this postpartum cave will allow you to get your basic needs of food, comfort and unconditional love met. While also support you in deepening your self confidence and trusting your instincts as a mother.

Pull out that journal again and answer the following questions:

Who do you want to visit in the first three days? In the first two weeks? In the first month?

Who will help and provide care to you and your baby?

Who do you enjoy the company of? Who makes you feel at ease?

Who do you ‘perform’ for and would feel less comfortable breastfeeding and in physical discomfort with?

While things can’t always be avoided and you will likely feel stress, sleep deprivation and ‘hangry’ (that breastfeeding mother hunger is real!) at times you can help mitigate the impact by preparing oxytocin boosting tricks and grounding techniques.

Oxytocin boosters are things that will get your oxytocin flowing, make you feel loved up, full of joy and promote connection and bonding. They help to release the build up of cortisol and improve your speed of return to a state of calmness. Answering the following questions will give you a list of ideas or tricks to pull out when you are feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts.

What sparks your in your soul and brings you contentment?

What makes you laugh, feel lighter and fills your cup?

This could be anything from feeling the sun on your face, a nice hot cuppa, a long warm shower, watching Netflix, a long hug, a little stretch, meditation, fresh flowers.

When wintering in your cave and moving through the rollercoaster of emotions that can be experienced in this time it is helpful to have some ideas to bring you back to the present and ground you into your experience.

The following ideas will help you move through your postpartum with more ease, prepare them now, while you are pregnant.

  • Music has the power to shift out mood instantly. Curate a playlist of songs that uplift and bring you joy. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, let the music remind you of the things that make you happy.
  • Write a heartfelt, kind and compassionate letter to your future elf celebrating your courage and resilience. Revisit this letter during challenging moments to remind yourself of the incredible journey you are on.
  • Creativity. Channel your emotions into a creative outlet, whether its journaling, drawing or crafting. Expressing your feeling through art can be therapeutic and provide a sense of accomplishment and clarity.
  • Sacred space. Create a small, comforting corner in your home filled with items that bring you place – like a cozy blanket, oracle cards or calming scents. Use this space to retreat to for a few minutes a day as an opportunity to recharge.

As a postpartum doula I support mothers and families in navigating this huge life event and rite of passage. This involves carefully walking through each aspect of postpartum – physical, social, emotional, spiritual and psychological – and supporting them with love, support and nourishment.

Research has shown that the emotional support provided by doulas has reduced symptoms anxiety, stress and depression, improved self esteem and improved breastfeeding success.

Head over to my offerings page to learn about my in home postpartum doula services. I offer support across the South East suburbs and Dandenong Ranges of Melbourne.